.. Everything except a pretty white dress made just for her, that lets us all know she’s still a virgin. A pregnant virgin. Wait – what??

Check out Maternity Bride! They’re exactly what promiscuous teens have been waiting for!

I kid… of course.

Come to find out, the tradition of a bride wearing a white wedding dress is a fairly recent development. It wasn’t until the 1800’s that wearing white was even considered teh radz. A couple Queens (Mary Queen of Scots, and Queen Victoria) got married in white – it quickly became a sign of wealth that they could afford to buy a special non reusable gown for their wedding. Before that, a bride would wear a special/formal dress that could be any color – well, any color except red and black. Those colors were associated with Prostitutes and Mourning… respectively.

Then in the 1950s, people started watching TV. Yay TV! Famous people like Grace Kelly were seen wearing white dresses to their weddings. So of course, the rest of America followed suit.

I don’t really understand how or why the white dress became a symbol for virginity. Probably some Man’s idea – let the sons go out and have the sex (boys will be boys!) but make sure the daughters remain lily white and pure until they’re married…married to the slutty sons who’ve been having the sex since they were teens. Oh America – your brain is so eff’ed. Oh wait, it was Christianity. That’s right! Christian brides would wear white to show how kept themselves from all impurities, as mentioned in the Bible. I’ve never been sure why this idea doesn’t apply to MEN too.

So anyway, the color white is also associated with innocence and happiness. In the evolving concept of American Bride, the white wedding dress has lost the connotations of virginity, and is merely associated with a new bride… a new PREGNANT bride.

Don’t even get me started on a woman wearing white to her second and/or third weddings.